“I’m unhappy and I don’t know why,” I said to my first therapist, when I was 33 years old. I had many of the markers of a successful middle-class American life: I was married, we owned a home, had a shiny new car, and I had a professional career. I’d grown up in the same middle class dream, and I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel fulfilled. It turns out that I was so detached from my emotional experiences that I could barely feel anything. That first conversation started me on a path of self-exploration that continues to this day.

As I was turning 50, Michael Pollan released his book “How To Change Your Mind,” and I was intrigued that psychedelics – those “wild” party drugs of the 60’s and 70’s – actually could be helpful in a healing context. I had been in and out of conventional talk therapy for nearly 20 years, and I felt like I’d hit a wall. I was stuck in my head most of the time. Simply understanding why I felt the way I did (because it linked back to something from the past) didn’t actually get me any closer to not feeling that way or changing decades-old behavioral patterns.

What I initially imagined as one, maybe two, medicine ceremonies that would heal all my issues, leave me feeling whole and happily engaging with life, has turned into a much longer, slower, more meaningful path. I’ve developed a deeper relationship with myself, gotten to know parts I didn’t even know I had and have learned to embrace the parts of me I’d tried for years to get rid of or deny. I also found an undeniable connection to our planet and something greater than all of that - whether you call it God or Spirit or the Divine. Working with an experienced guide, who has held a sacred container for me to grow and who has helped me integrate the content of my journeys, I have experienced first hand the power of having someone walking this path with me. 

I realized eventually that I had a calling to offer this work and began extensive training in body-based psychology (the Hakomi method) and a two-year seminary program with the Congregation for Sacred Practices, all while continuing my own deep inner work. In becoming a minister, I have stepped into a sacred relationship with the work I do. 

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